Self-esteem is your subjective sense of overall personal worth and value. Just like self-respect, it reflects how confident you feel in your skills and abilities. It influences the way you see yourself, how you speak to yourself, and how you carry yourself in the world. In many ways, it acts as a personal barometer — guiding your decisions, shaping your relationships, and affecting your overall well-being.
When your self-esteem is healthy, you’re more likely to take on challenges, accept both success and failure with balance, and treat yourself with kindness. But when it’s low, even the smallest setback can feel heavy.
But self-esteem can be built over time and with the right approach. In this blog, we’ll learn what self-esteem actually means and how we can build stronger and healthier relationships with ourselves.
Self-Esteem: More Than Just Confidence
Self-esteem is the overall opinion we have about ourselves — how we perceive our value, our abilities, and our place in the world. It’s not about arrogance or inflated self-importance. It’s about believing you are worthy, capable, and deserving of respect from others, and from yourself.
| People with healthy self-esteem are more likely to: | On the other side, low self-esteem may manifest as: |
|---|---|
| Approach challenges with resilience | Persistent self-doubt |
| Set boundaries confidently | Fear of judgment or failure |
| Accept praise without discomfort | People-pleasing tendencies |
| Navigate criticism without crumbling | Difficulty accepting love or recognition |
A positive self-esteem leads to a higher level of success and growth, bringing ultimate positivity to life.
What Shapes Our Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is not an inbuilt characteristic, it can be developed over time and shaped by:
- Childhood experiences (how we were treated)
- Relationship and social feedback
- Cultural and social expectations
- Inner stories (the things we tell ourselves about who we are)
While it’s absolute that we can’t change our past but we can absolutely take charge of how we treat ourselves in the present. That’s where healthy self-esteem habits come in.
7 Practical Habits to Build Healthy Self-Esteem
Here are the listed habits that help an individual build healthy self-esteem.
1. Spend time with yourself
This world constantly demands attention, and in this it is easy to lose all the person who matters the most, ie, YOU. Spending time doesn’t mean being lonely, but creating space to hear your own thoughts, understand your feelings, and reconnect with your inner self. This could be taking a walk without your phone, journaling for 10 minutes each night, or enjoying nature and its beauty.
When you do this practice, you start to realise that your own company is valuable and you don’t need any external validation. The more you’re comfortable with yourself, more stronger your self-esteem becomes.
2. Celebrate small wins
We always chase and look out for big achievements to feel proud of ourselves. Whether it’s landing a dream job or getting promoted, we have limited our celebrations to certain events. But the truth is, self-esteem grows in small, quiet moments we often overlook. Celebrating small wins reinforces a sense of capability. It builds momentum, and over time, these small acts of self-recognition become the building blocks of genuine confidence.
3. Set clear boundaries
Saying “NO” doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you self-aware. It is one of the clearest signs of healthy self-esteem, which includes setting clear boundaries and protecting your emotional space. This will free you from unnecessary clutter and reduce the stress of external validation. Every time you honour your boundaries, you reinforce your self-worth. Remember, pleasing others will only make you feel stressed, but setting boundaries gives you a healthy space to grow.
4. Surround yourself with the right people
The person around you has a powerful impact on how you see yourself. When you’re constantly surrounded by negativity, criticism, or comparison, your self-esteem can be drained. The right people in your life give a positive space to learn and grow.
Choose a company that encourages your growth, respects your boundaries, and celebrates your progress, no matter how small. It’s not about having a large circle; it’s about having the right one. Because when you’re valued by those around you, you start to value yourself more, too.
5. Try new things
Stepping outside your comfort zone is the fastest way to build self-esteem. It’s not about being perfect or getting everything right, it’s about showing yourself that you’re capable of growth. Trying something new or learning a skill, speaking in a group, will help you build your self-confidence.
You might feel nervous, or even fail the first few times, and that’s okay. Confidence doesn’t come from getting it right the first time. It comes from the courage to try again. Each new experience, no matter how small, adds to your sense of self-worth. You start to see yourself not just as someone who watches life happen, but someone who actively shapes it.
6. Prioritise self-care
Self-care isn’t just about pampering — it’s about acknowledging that you matter. It’s a daily practice of treating yourself with the same care and attention you offer to others. When you prioritise your well-being, whether by getting enough rest, eating nourishing meals, moving your body, or simply taking time to breathe, you’re reinforcing your self-worth.
Small acts of care, repeated consistently, have a big impact. They remind you and teach others that your needs are valid and that you are your priority.
7. Practice self-acceptance
Self-esteem grows when you learn to accept yourself as the way you are, rather than trying to become something. Accepting yourself means embracing both your strengths and your imperfections. It’s understanding that being human includes making mistakes, having off days, and not always having it together, and loving yourself anyway. Trying this practice every single day will make your feel confident about yourself.
Final Thoughts
Self-esteem is a crucial element that nurtures our growth and rebuilds our confidence. It’s not something that we are born with, rather, it is shaped by our experiences and the habits we choose daily. Smallest step towards caring for yourself, setting a boundary, or recognising your worth matters. Over time, those steps add up to a deeper sense of confidence and self-respect.
Be patient with yourself. Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love and remember:
You are worthy—not because of what you do or achieve, but because of who you are.
Building healthy self-esteem is a journey, not a destination. Keep showing up for yourself. You’re worth it.
About Matters of the Mind
Led by Dr. Kavita Deepak-Knights, Matters of the Mind offers compassionate, personalised therapy to support emotional well-being. Dr Kavita specialises in CBT, ACT, and other psychological therapies, helping individuals overcome low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, trauma, and other mental health challenges.
FAQs
What causes low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can stem from various sources — childhood experiences, negative self-talk, bullying, trauma, or ongoing stress.
Can self-esteem be improved at any stage?
Yes, absolutely. Self-esteem isn’t fixed — it can be nurtured and improved at any stage of life through consistent habits, supportive environments, and sometimes therapy.
What is the difference between self-esteem and confidence?
Self-esteem is your overall sense of self-worth, how you value and accept yourself. Confidence is more situation-specific, how capable you feel in a certain area (e.g., public speaking, work tasks). Healthy self-esteem supports lasting confidence.
How long does it take to build healthy self-esteem?
There’s no fixed timeline. It depends on your starting point, personal experiences, and how consistently you practise self-esteem–building habits.
How can therapy help with self-esteem issues?
Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to explore the root of low self-esteem. A therapist can help you challenge unhelpful thought patterns and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
